A part of St. Arnold’s ongoing Divine Reserve Series, their #14 release is a Belgian Strong Golden Ale, and it is indeed every one of those words. It’s Belgian. It’s strong (10% ABV). It’s golden. And it’s a chicken! Just kidding, it’s an ale. A very good ale at that. Not too sweet, as far as Belgian beers go, and the high alcohol flavor is well concealed by the maltiness of the beer. However, like an alcaholmosexual hiding in a closet made of various malts, it’s still only a matter of time before the booziness comes out and takes everyone by surprise at an awkward family dinner, so be sure to enjoy this beer slowly.
For our pairing, let’s focus on the two words that best describe this brew. Obviously that would be “divine” and “fourteen.” Now, we could pair this reserve with divine fourteen year-olds, but that would be incredibly creepy and inappropriate. Instead, let’s put a less pedophiliac spin on this and just parrot with things that fourteen year-olds would consider divine. Though this is a more positive and acceptable pairing, it’s not really an easy one as fourteen-year-olds don’t tend to like many things. And rightly so. The life of a fourteen-year-old is pretty terrible. At this point, I could ramble on about hormones, lack of independence, and body odor, but I’ll let Britney Spears summarize the plights of all fourteen-year-olds with lyrics from her song that was actually released when I was fourteen (I’ve slightly modified the words to make the song more universal):
“I’m not a girl/boy, not yet a woman/man. All I need is time, a moment that is mine, while I’m in between [classes at middle school].”
Despite all this, I guarantee if you think about it long enough, you’ll be able to find at least a handful of things you enjoyed at that age besides silently sobbing into your pillow.
If you’re having difficulties recalling something you thought was divine when you were fourteen, we’ve compiled a starter list based on our own experiences, which might help you find that perfect pairing for this St. Arnold beer:
- Sour Punch Straws
- Hot Topic
- Fiery Flames
- The Matrix
- Coheed & Cambria
- Static X
Please add to this list by commenting with things you found divine at fourteen years of age. C’mon, don’t be a chicken!