I really hope you’ve watched South Park recently, otherwise none of this is going to make sense. If you haven’t watched South Park, don’t fret. None of my posts make sense anyway, so you just keep reading and smiling and nodding your head, and I’ll return the favor by pretending like you have a clue.
Speaking of clue, what rhymes with “clue”? That’s right, “glu”! Now just add “ten-free” at the end of it and you have the topic of today’s Beer Parrot: Gluten-Free Beer.
We all know that gluten was invented by the candy companies, but the fact remains that gluten-free products are becoming increasingly popular in today’s world. So, it’s only natural (or un-natural?) that beer should be offered in gluten-free form. If I were a brewer, and I might be for Halloween, I would think that making gluten-free beer is actually a pretty smart move since there are currently very few good examples of beer-sans-barley (or other gluten-havin’ grains). Not that I’m looking extensively, but if I had to guess, I’d say that Widmer Brothers Brewing has the commercial market cornered in this regard with their line of Omission beers.
For this pairing, I tried Omission IPA. Like all the Omission beers, it was brewed in its respective style, and then somehow, by magic or Satanism, the gluten was removed. After drinking an entire bottle of this witchcraft, would I say it was my favorite IPA? No, but it certainly wasn’t bad and it had all the characteristics of your typical IPA – citrusy hop aromas and flavors, bitterness, and a medium body. For the most part, it actually tasted like a real un-non-gluten-free-less beer!
If I had done a blindfolded tasting of Omssion IPA, I probably wouldn’t have described it as “spectacular.” However, once I’d finished walking around aimlessly in the blindfold for a while and then finally taken it off, I would have realized the beer I’d been drinking was gluten-free, and I would have been genuinely surprised and impressed! It’s kind of the same reaction one would have to Lorde’s music. It’s probably not something you would voluntarily listen to, but once you find out that the songs are actually being performed by a 45-year-old male Geologist named Randy Marsh, it’s really quite remarkable.
That’s why I’m pairing Omission IPA with the well known truth that Lorde is Randy Marsh from South Park. I feel this pairing is appropriate because both of these accomplishments leave you asking, “How did they do it?” How does Widmer Bothers Brewing just “remove” the gluten from their IPA? I’ll be honest, I have no idea, but I bet it’s not unlike the song writing techniques that Randy Marsh uses to turn his bathroom blabber into the music of Lorde. If that is the case, then Widmer Brothers must require lots of auto-tuning to get the gluten out of their beer. Observe:
Whether you’re a fan or not, I think it’s only right to grab an Omission IPA, kick back, and parrot with some tunes by Lorde/Randy Marsh. My recommendation is the new hit single, “Push.” As you sip your gluten-free suds, remind yourself that while it might not be the best beer, at least it won’t make your dick fly off.
Two more things:
1) Click this picture for a free download of “Push” by Randy Marsh, because I know you’re feeling good on a Wednesday.
2) Buy this t-shirt.
Okay, thanks, bye.