Don’t Drink That. Drink This!

Close your eyes and imagine the following scenario. You’re at a bar in Austin, TX with more than 50 taps on its wall. You’re looking at the menu and it’s divided into two categories: “Local Craft Beer” and “The Regular Shizzle.” You don’t know much about craft beer, and you’re starting to feel overwhelmed. You’re tempted to stick with a commercial beer you recognize, a beer you’ve seen on the shelves of almost every grocery store and gas station, a beer that has a taste you’re familiar with, but at the same time you don’t want to diss your local bar brethren who are all about dem craftitties. You think you should give a local beer a chance, but you have no idea where to start. Your waiter, who is a pink llama with the voice of Don Knotts continues to implore you, “WeeeeEEEeell, what’ll it be, stranger?”

Now open your eyes and wipe the tears away. Breath deeply and stop sobbing. I know what you’re thinking. Aside from MAYBE the llama part, this is a very real and very scary situation that people find themselves in every day. We all know there are plenty of folks out there who understand absolutely nothing about the craft beer world. Worse, there are those who think they understand, but they’ve got it all wrong, and they’ll recommend Blue Moon at the drop of a dirty beanie. I call those people, “assholes.” Don’t worry, though. Assholes aside, I believe that if a person is open to drinking any beer at all, somewhere deep inside of them, there’s a genuine craft beer nerd.

Finding this inner craft beer enthusiast is just a matter of choosing the appropriate gateway beer. A beer that opens the door to all of the craft beers around you and gives you a reason to appreciate your local selection of ales and lagers. A beer that lets you look Don Knotts llama square in his hideous, pink face and select, with confidence and certainty, a very delicious drink. I’m sure many of you remember which beer was your gateway into the land of malt and honey that is the craft beer scene. If you do remember, leave me a comment about the beer that started it all for you.

What? You haven’t found your gateway beer yet?! Then you’re welcome in advance that I’ve done the legwork in figuring out the perfect beer to help you spread your clumsy, drunken wings. Below is an outline of commercial beers you think you want vs. the Texas beers you actually want. These beers should all be relatively easy to find in the Austin area, so no excuses and no turning back now…

To those who have never tried a microbrew before, best of luck losing your craft beer virginity! Unlike when you maybe actually lost your virginity, this will be fun. To those of you who are already familiar with the above suds, pick a favorite and show it how appreciative you are by placing it gently into your belly prison.

Auf Beer-dersehen!

Links to the aforementioned great Texas breweries: Real Ale, Austin Beerworks, Twisted X, Karbach, Live Oak, (512), Community, Lakewood, Independence, Pinthouse Pizza, Southern Star

Stephanie McBrayer

Bat City Ale at the Bitter End, followed by Live Oak Pilz at the Gingerman. Then, Fireman’s Four, of course! Great substitutions, I applaud you!
- Beer Parrot
  
  Bitter End, eh? You are a craft beer pioneer!
  - Stephanie McBrayer
    
    Craft Beer Pioneer: I like that!
steve

I disagree with Twisted X. Shitty beer. Pint house has a Mexican Lager sometimes that is pretty good.
- Beer Parrot
  
  Cool, man. You should write a blog.
  - bill
    
    Or maybe the OP should disable comments if they didn’t want any input from the masses.
    - Beer Parrot
      
      Nah, I like comments. Which is why I’m approving this one. Congrats! You’ve made it to the comments section.
- raiseyourvis
  
  If you haven’t tried Twisted X in a while, you should give them another shot. They’ve definitely upped their game.
Matt McBrayer

Back when all beer was shitty, Shiner Bock was a gateway. So was Noche Buena, a Christmas bock offering from those who bring us Dos Equis and Carta Blanca. But that was all preparation for my true gateway: Live Oak Pilz. Sometimes I still hangout at the gate.
- Beer Parrot
  
  The Live Oak gate is a great gate. It was mine as well. Big Bark.
caffeineTX

good list of suggestions for introducing non craft beer drinkers to craft beer or alternatives for them at non macro beer friendly places.
Janeinma

The trouble with these is you start drinking those and next thing you know you are racking up beer tab totals of hundreds of $ at Jester King , amassing beer to die for in your cellar and spending all your time visiting breweries. its a rough path…..
- Beer Parrot
  
  Too true. We sacrifice a lot for our love of craft brews, and it’s quite the beery burden to bare. On the plus side, I’m pretty sure we get a free pass into heaven, if for nothing else than to shake Saint Arnold’s hand.
  - Stephanie McBrayer
    
    Amen, sistah!
- Janeinma
  
  with a house full of Hill Farmstead, Jester King and OEC tart (not sour) saisons I will agree to disagree and try new beers while loving my JK.
sarah

Scares me that someone can call Twisted X “shitty.” Many adjectives come to mind when thinking of that brewery (“awesome,” “tasty,” “refeshing,” “unique,” “beer!”… ok, not an adjective, but describes my excitement well), but “shitty” is not one of them. If Dos Equis can sell so well, and the Mexican lager from Twisted X is at least 10 times better, then world domination is a possibility. Cow Creek is another fave of mine from them. I personally enjoy nearly all the brews from Twisted X, and fail to see the hype in some other popular breweries, like Jester King (again, personal taste, but seriously, wtf?).
Thanks for the side by side comparison. I’d like to think I know a thing or two more than the average beer drinker, but I found this very informative; will definitely keep some of these selections in mind in the future.
- Janeinma
  
  Is Twisted X around in Austin? We have a trip in March (I wonder why) and are not adverse to trying suggestions like Twisted X.
  - sarah
    
    It’s technically in Dripping Springs, about a 30 min or so drive from Central Austin. I’d definitely say it’s worth scoping out! If you’re already out that way, stop by Stanley ‘ s Farmhouse pizza for a bite. Delicious pizza, wide selection of craft beers (many on tap!), both local and national. That place is right next to Jester King, but everyone knows how I feel about most sour beers 😉
  - Beer Parrot
    
    They are in Dripping Springs, but you can find their products at several Austin bars, pubs, and stores. Look for their labels on bottles and cans and for their black tap handles with a Dia de los Muertos dude on top. The sombrero is a dead giveaway.