On Saturday, April 10th, I attended the Real Ale XIX Anniversary Party, and I shut that biz doooooown. Not really, but 5 hours into it and an ungodly amount of beers later, I 100% believed my fantastic drinking ability was the reason everyone was leaving. Turns out the party was just actually over, and I was supposed to leave with everybody else. “Make me!” I said. They did.

Real Ale always puts on a wonderful anniversary event. For only $5 per ticket, and $5 for parking, you could partake of 5 hours worth of live music, food trucks, and your choice of 50 different Real Ale beers. Seriously, 50. Between their “traditional” taps, the cask conditioned ales, the cellared beer, and Real Ale’s Mysterium Verum series (which are beers that are barrel-aged with wild yeast), there was no shortage of amazing beer to choose from.

With every anniversary party, Real Ale releases an anniversary ale. This year’s was a Baltic Porter, and it was a wonderful compliment to the slightly drizzly Texas afternoon. Like the weather, the XIX Anniversary Baltic Porter was wet. It was also hearty and comforting. If you didn’t drink any at the shindig, Real Ale has bottled a limited amount of their XIX Anniversary Baltic Porter, so be on the lookout!

After a few rounds of ale, I was feeling chatty, and I just so happened to be surrounded by amazing people. I thought this would be the perfect opportunity for another perfect pairing. I was determined to take new beer and parrot with new friends. So I did! Here are a few of the friends I made at Real Ale’s Anniversary Party.


Warner (left) & Lizzy (right)

Photo by: Shinwa Kinoko

Their Beer:

  • Lizzy was drinking Pheonixx ESB and said it tasted like a beer. That’s a good start!
  • Warner was drinking the Brewer’s Cut Altbier from the cellar, and while she liked it, she said she normally prefers something pale and hoppy. Or Hi-C. She likes Hi-C.


  • Lizzy is currently earning her masters in classical languages, and informed me that Mysterium Verum is actually a combination of Greek and Latin words. Blasphemy! I asked her what she would rename the series to. She suggested “Vagina Verum.” Yeah, that’s got a nice ring to it.
  • Warner’s name was given to her by her father, who picked it out from the “Boys” side of of a baby name book. Warner’s middle name, Lorraine, was given to her by her mother after watching a cheese commercial.
  • A couple years ago, Warner went down in history as the first person to get un-gay-married (i.e. a same-sex divorced) in the state of Kansas. This proved to be a bit tricky, because same-sex marriage was not legal in Kansas, and therefore, the state couldn’t technically divorce a gay couple. Granting a gay divorce would mean the state recognized the couple as married in the first place, and that was a deal breaker. Luckily, by citing a very old law that used to allow incestuous and interracial couples to get divorced even though their marriages weren’t legal either, Warner’s divorce was finalized, and justice was served! Kind of!


 Chuck (right) & Rita (left)

Photo by: The Second Shooter

Their Beer:

  • Chuck and Rita were enjoying a can of Fireman’s 4. Chuck said that if you know beer, this one should be your favorite.


  • Chuck has been a resident of Blanco, TX since he was 10 years old. He’s now 71.
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    Photo by: The Second Shooter

    Rita is Chuck’s parrot and she drinks beer. You guys, do you understand?! SHE IS A LITERAL BEER PARROT! Yes, I wanted to steal her.

  • For 4-5 months out of the year, Chuck is a pirate in Port Aransas, TX. This means that he and Rita get to hang out on a boat and shoot cannons for (at?) tourists. He loves it.
  • Chuck told me that freedom is the most important thing in life. He said, “Be a free person, do what you want to do, and enjoy it.” Well put, Chuck.


Scott & Sam (not pictured)

A completely inaccurate interpretation of Scott and Sam.

Their Beer:

  • Scott was drinking the cask conditioned Dry Hopped Porter. He said he picked up on some maple flavors and that the beer finished dry like his sense of humor.
  • Sam was drinking White, Real Ale’s wheat beer. He seemed to be enjoying it, but it was hard to get a flavor description from him other than, “It’s good!”


  • Scott is a local weatherman.
  • In his own words, Sam has been an “amazing, golden brown” resident of Austin for the past 15 years. Regardless, this party was his first time drinking most of Real Ale’s beer, including Fireman’s 4.
  • Sam is the 1st generation of his family to live in Texas after moving from Kolkata, and his advice to everybody is: “Love life, live life!” When I told him that a pirate had already given me practically that same motivational message, Sam changed his message to, “I’m rich, bitch!”
  • Sam also thinks I have crappy business cards. I do. I’m ordering new ones.


Much like every anniversary you’ve ever known, Real Ale celebrates theirs on a yearly basis. If you missed it this year, I hope you’ll join me next year. I can imagine I’ll have burned all my bridges by then and will once again be in need of new friends. Salud!

For more great pictures, check out The Second Shooter & Shinwa Kinoko




Ok, Chuck, screaming contest. Go!

Photo by: Shinwa Kinoko