(512) Brewing Company

It’s hoppy, it’s white, it’s outta sight! (512) Brewing’s seasonal White IPA brings the borders of Belgium and India so close together that they now are probably a good representation of what my ignorantly untravelled ass actually thinks a map of the world looks like. This beer combines the light, refreshingly zesty flavors of a Belgian-style wheat beer with the hop heaviness of an Indian Pale Ale, and it is a beautiful coupling. At only 5.3% ABV, it’s no wonder they release this special session ale at the onset of summer. You could drink a pint of this beer ever half-hour for all 14 hours of summer sunlight per day and LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT! Take a second to let that math soak in. Now that you understand why such a drinking schedule would be a brilliantly bad idea (unless you’re just really into A.Pizzle [Alcohol Poisoning]), you should also know that such gluttonous behavior will be frowned upon by your fellow beer drinkers because there is a limited quantity of (512) Brewing’s White IPA and you just drank, like, 17% of it, you jerk! I will never speak to you again.

Let’s get on with the perfect pairing for this sophisticated solstice beer. Obviously, when it comes to a wheaty IPA, I’m going to have to parrot with something that’s white and hoppy. Like a rabbit! But not a rabbit, because rabbits are like the pigeons of mbeerboxingammals. Nobody cares about them and most people will eat them if given the chance. We need something more special. Special like an albino kangaroo! Yes, that’s perfect. It’s white, it’s hoppy, and it looks great in boxing gloves, just like this beer.

Now, since I’ve recently learned that albino kangaroos are a bit hard to come by in the Austin area (even though we’re practically neighbors with Australia according to my mind-map of the world), you might just have to make due with the next closest alternative. Of course, I’m referring to albino squirrels. Squirrels are more or less kangaroos who got Honey-I-Shrunk-the-Kids’ed and traded in their tummy pouches for fluffy tales and a killer sense of fashion. (It’s true, their taste in clothing is impeccable, it’s just that most retailers don’t carry items for rockin’ rodents.) If you’ve not been fortunate enough to spot an Austin albino squirrel and need some hints on where to find a pale-pigmented pal to share your beer with, might I suggest UT campus, the capitol grounds, or Google Images? Whether or not I might, I did, so deal with it.

It’s said that it’s good luck to catch a glimpse of an albino squirrel, and I believe that with all my beer. Albino squirrels are almost as rare as (512) Brewing’s seasonal ales, so if you are fortunate enough to come across either of these Austin gems, please take advantage of the situation. I’m talking pitchers and pictures to serve as proof of your gratuitous luck, you smug a-hole. Best wishes!