Prairie Artisan Ales

KaBLAM! was the name of a show on Nickelodeon I used to watch, and it’s also the noise your brain makes when you drink Christmas Bomb. This imperial stout is deep and tastes like roasted coffee beans with sugar, spice, and everything nice, which means alcohol. The flavor profile makes sense, considering that Christmas Bomb is just regular Bomb (imperial stout brewed on coffee, vanilla beans, cacao nibs, and chili peppers), but with the addition of “Christmas spices.” I’m not sure of the exact spices used to put the “Christmas” in this ale, but I’m 11% sure that meth is one of them. If not, that’s cool, because Christmas bomb is 11% ABV, so it doesn’t even need meth’s help to get you messed up.

Okay now, here’s where I bring up that Questlove is providing the pairings for this Christmas beer series by sending me a daily gift in accordance with “The Twelve Days of Christmas” song. He doesn’t hear very well anymore because he drums frequently and furiously, so lyrics have been misheard. Blah blah blah blah, let’s see what he gave me today.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my Questlove gave to me: “Six Geezers Gaying.”

Questlove_uhohHmmm, Questlove sent me a link. What…the hell…is this? Yep. It’s Lemon Party. Gross, Questlove! I can’t believe I fell for that. Also, I really can’t put this link on my blog. It’s literally pornography. Seriously, people, Lemon Party is a pornographic meme that you’re supposed to trick others into looking at, and I’ve just fallen victim. Thanks a lot, Questlove, now I hate you.

Questy, why would you even send that to me? I’m beginning to think that you can actually hear just fine, but you’re pretending you can’t so that you have an excuse to deliberately send me crap like this. Do you REALLY think they would make a Christmas carol where a bunch of old guys bang each other? No. No, the answer is no.

Really gross.

Alright, well…y’all enjoy your Christmas Bomb and your old people porn, I guess. I’m going to remove my eyeballs from their sockets, put them in the dishwasher, and then give Questlove a very stern talking to.