Crackin’ Up is a Pecan Porter by 903 Brewers, a relatively new brewery out of Sherman, TX. This beer is everything you’d want in a pecan porter – it’s nutty, a little sweet, dark, roasty, and hearty. It’s also available in bombers, which you can use to bomb your insides with all 22 ounces of Crackin’ Up and not share a single drop with anybody else because you’re a greedy jerk just like me. *Simultaneous high five and frown*

As an Austinite, it’s pretty much impossible for me to discuss this style of beer without bringing up a favorite flagship: 512’s Pecan Porter. For those of you who are fans of this classic 512 creation, I think you’ll enjoy 903’s bottled version. There are several similarities between the two, and I don’t consider that a bad thing in the least. There’s plenty of room in the marketplace for more pecan porters, because I call my mouth “the marketplace.”

903 PairingsAs for pairing Crackin’ Up, 903 has taken most of the guesswork out. On the side of their bottle, they list three pairing options. However, two of them are food pairings, and as I’ve explained before, I don’t recommend food pairings due to the inevitability of diarrhea. Regardless, the three suggested pairings are as follows:

1) Smoked Meats 2) Peanut Butter Cups 3) A Good Laugh.

Or as I read them:

1) Doo Doo 2) The Sick Poops 3) A Good Laugh.

Ok, it looks like I’m going with option three, taking 903’s Crackin’ Up to parrot with “A Good Laugh.” Now, I’m sure this simple pairing is something you could accomplish fairly easily on your own, since watching a cat trying to squeeze into a tiny box is usually enough to lube your laughbox. But just in case that doesn’t do it for you, I’m going to provide you with some material to use.

I’ve been known to be somewhat of a curmudgeon since I’ve reached adulthood, however, the one thing that inevitably cracks me up is my sister when she posts stories about her kids. My older sister, Sarah, and her husband, Aaron, have three young boys. There’s Bruce (5 years old), Isaac (2 years old), and Donovan (almost 1 year old). These kids are constantly…what is the phrase…”doing the most,” and my sister has been good enough to document their antics since Bruce was a wee laddie.

Below are 15 snippets about my nephews. As you can see, most of them are Bruce originals since he’s the oldest and he started talking at a very early age. You’ll also notice the recurring theme of food and private parts, because what are boys if not minuscule men?

Before reading these, I just want you to know that Sarah and Aaron are wonderful parents, and nobody knows where their kids came up with this shit. Anyway, enjoy – drink up and crack up!